James flounders down the river

Last night was not a good one at the Rancho. There was a cocky amerian punk that got a room down the hall and he was sick with a stomach bug. He stomped around the halls to the bathroom and slammed his door several times in the night. He wasn't thinking of anyone but his self. The local cat mascot Petunia was either having sex under our floorboards or was fending off a potential suitor. The trucks were engine braking down the highway through town all night and to top it all off Kim was snoring. Jesus Christos!!! Despite the lack of sleep I went for a trip down the river.

Well, I am out of practice for sure. I had to gut an old Perception boat so that I could squeeze my fat ass inside it. Yanked out the thigh braces and the padding and the foot pegs, but I fit in it and Miguel, the guide, and I dragged our boats from the back of the lodge to put in on the Sarapiqui. The river is very low, so it was a boulder garden. Miguel weighs 100 lbs soaking wet and I am 280 pounds paddling a river barge. Miguel is a very shy, dark skinned Costa Rican who speaks hardly a lick of English. He does know his way down the river, so I followed close. This section is an easy class three and other than picking paths through many boulders it was easy, but I still managed to swim on the first good rapid. All the water slammed into a rock bank on the right and I geeked out and leaned away from the obstruction and insta flip. I couldn't roll the boat as I lacked practice and the boat lacked thigh braces. I swam my disgraced bulk to the shore while Miguel was just biting his lip trying not to laugh. After a couple more miles, Miguel spoke his first word of English.."Sooperrrmon" and disappeared over the horizon. "Superman, what the?" I could only try and keep up with the blue feather that was Miguel in his Pirhanna kayak heading into the offsetting waves that made up Superman. It was fun and wasn't worthy of such a grandiose name at these water levels, but it was a good adrenaline rush. The rest of the river was more of the same with a few spots where the river pillowed up on a bank and was ready to flip an out of practice gringo, but I prevailed. Miguel managed to speak one whole sentence "you have done class four before?" I think he was so unimpressed with my performance on this class three run that he was trying to discourage me from going up river to the class four. No worries, I was humbled and I am not going to classe quatro tomorrow.

As we headed for the takeout I saw something falling from the sky and SMACK into the river. A large green lizard or what looks like a mini-velociraptor swam-ran through the water to the shore looking startled and indignified. It was a Jesus Christ lizard and he had just fallen from about 80 feet up in a tree. Good thing he was over water, now I see why the locals thought this might have been the fate of our iguana.

Kim has had a good Kim day reading and now she is napping. The inn keepers have kept her company and she has identified the rare critters we saw yesterday. We are going to a local party tonight with the managers. There has been a car going up and down the main drag broadcasting what sounds like loud radio commercials on local hispanic radio. Kenn, the manager, told us they our advertising a town fiesta, so we are going to go.

I have to thank my buddy Mike for telling Kim about bot flies. "Oh yeah, they are everywhere in the rainforest and they burrow into you skin and lay their larvae, and ten days later you have a huge larva growing under your skin." Now kim gets a bite on herself and it is a definite bot fly bite. Last night she pointed out her two day old mosquito bite and said "I think it's coning!" "Coning? What are you talking about?" I said. Kim says "feel, it's three dimensional, I think it's coning?" "It's a bite, they all are three dimensional!" "But this one's getting higher quicker!" Happy to report that the bite is flatter this morning and Kim does not have a botfly larva "cone" growing on her arm. Thanks Mike!

I will let Kim report next time, I have been greedy....I like to b.s.

Love,

James